Back 2 Basics 4 Kids

She'll be coming around the Mountain When She Comes

2009-04-16T12:22:00.002-05:00

I never did quite understand the meaning of that song title, but it came to mind as some one who arrives (or blogs) when it suits her, which of course, once a year posting just doesn't quite cut it now does it?

As far as business and speaking, I have been happily busy. Doing some evening training and many weekend trainings at conferences as well.

The kids are all well. Serenity is in Minneapolis at the U of M. Doing really well in the School of Design. Benjamin gets his drivers license this summer. yikes... Mary Helen is busier than ever. She was in Volley Ball, Basket Ball and now track. She wants to go to 2 summer camps plus have cousins over for a week, plus maybe a community play... Jonathan just turned 11. Has anyone ever said that having 8 boys sleep over is not a good idea? Well, it is not. Like they say... "don't try this at home".

Why Yes, It Has Been A While!

2008-02-27T08:05:00.002-06:00

Well, for the most part the weight loss has been going well the last 2 months. I have taken off about 18-20 lbs since the first of the year. I am struggling a bit this week, but I am in sweats ready to jump on the treadmill for a 30 minute walk. I caught a cold about 17 days ago and it turned into a sinus thing. I am having a tough time shaking it so that has put a damper on the exercise and without the exercise, I tend to think it is okay to eat junk. Argg...

Serenity has decided to wait until summer of 2009 to get married. No decisions about school yet for her.

Benjamin broke his arm while snowmobiling about 10 days ago. He only has to have the cast on for 4 weeks and already he is pretty ready to be done with the whole thing.

Mary Helen and Jonathan have been in basketball and it has been so fun to watch them play.

We are working on finishing the basement bathroom and family room. We have talked about it for years so it is great to finally get going on it. My sister's husband is doing the work for us since he is a carpenter etc.

My Dad is doing well. He and mom went to Mayo and got checked out and they did not find the cancer any where else. I am not clear on when he starts chemo, but I thought for sure he had to have it.

Starting a New Year

2008-01-17T07:56:00.000-06:00

Well, I am a little late in the whole "New Years Resolutions" writing, but still wanted to catch up a little. Serenity announced at Christmas that she and Steve are engaged. Possibly getting married July 12, 2008. They may wait a year to get the finances together, but we will see how that all plays out. She is trying to figure out where to go to school next year. She is going into interior design and there are not very many schools that offer that as a degree. She is thinking about Fargo or Minneapolis right now. I went to see her in Duluth last weekend and we had such a great time. She tried on wedding dresses (she will be a beautiful bride), we ate at Olive Garden and Sara's Table, the restaurant where she works, we went to the movie "The Bucket List", and then on Saturday went to the Duluth Bridal Show. Very fun.

So with Serenity getting married this summer, I am desperate to lose weight. I have done pretty well so far in the first 2 weeks of the new year, taking off about 5 lbs of the weight I put on since last fall. Argg... Never ending struggle that this is. Up 10, down 2, up 3, down 5. On and on.

The business has been quiet for a little bit, but I will start traveling this weekend, to Grand Forks, ND. Then traveling most weekends through April (I have a few weekends off).

I won a Brita filter and bottle from another blogger. Lora from Less of Me. Thanks Lora.

Why I would Pull Out all My Hair, If I Could Just Get One Hand Free

2007-12-20T08:57:00.000-06:00

I picked up my husbands Uncle David yesterday from the hospital. He was actually scheduled for release on Thursday, but when the social worker from the hospital called on Tuesday, I asked if there was any reason that I couldn't pick him up on Wednesday afternoon. (I have a bible study at the church in Bemidji on Wednesday morning and then the kids have church on Wednesday night, so if I had to go on Thursday, it would be 3 trips to Bemidji in 2 days... whew). She had to check but was fine with me picking David up on Wednesday. I picked him up at about 1 pm so he would have just finished lunch. Several of the gals at the hospital made nice comments about David. One of them is actually a former Childcare provider and a past customer of mine. She said "David is such a nice guy". I did ask them to measure inseam and waist for picking out pants for him, as they had not done so yet. It apears that his waist is 42 and inseam is 30. (I think 42 is a bit big, but I did see her measure, so I guess so). After we got in the car, I asked David if he would like me to take him Christmas shopping and he was quite agreeable to that and we decided together to go to Wal-mart. I dropped him off at the door while I parked as I didn't know if the parking lot would be slippery and he was waiting for me when I got in there. Together we picked out toys for the kids, an inexpensive coffee maker for Ron (and me), and gift cards for Serenity and Mitch. When I asked him if he had anything in mind for the kids he said with a little laugh "No, I will just go by what you say". He wanted gloves or choppers/mittens for himself so we found him some fantastically warm leather and lined choppers. As we were leaving wal-mart 2 of the greeters told David they had missed him last week and were so glad to see him this week. David seemed to really get a smile out of that. I asked if I should go get the car, but he seemed very happy to walk out to the car and get some exercise. It was a beautiful day here with the sun shining and melting the snow.

On the way home David seemed like his normal self. He will quite often say something out of the blue that he has likely been thinking about for a while but that does not come with any of the normal conversational clues. However, because I have known David for close to 17 years now, I pretty much always knew what he was talking about, or could ask questions to clarify. I then asked David if we could stop by his bank and add Ron to the account so when Mitch is out of town or not available then Ron can take care of paying rent, etc. Ron will also be able to access that account online and keep tabs on the amount of money in there. Ron and Mitch had taken David shopping before they brought him to the hospital and helped him buy a new shaver. Even with the $80 shaver, he still had cash that the guys had to take for him as he was not supposed to have money in the hospital. When I picked David up, the staff told me there was a manilla envelope with money in there. (There was almost $80 in there. Who knows where that was stashed).

When we got to the assissted living apartment I dropped David off and parked and brought in his suitcase. As we got to his door David said "I don't know where those keys have gotten to". Fortunatly I remembered the manilla envelope and found the keys in there. I got David unpacked and all papers to the front desk. David had had a bar and coffee at the bank so he didn't have to go out to snack with the residents yet. The director said they would bring him supper in his apartment.

All in all, I felt that David is doing very well.

My husband Ron and brother-in-law Mitch are cooking Christmas eve dinner this year. I told Ron it was too much for me to do 2 big meals back to back like that (I have everyone here for Christmas day) and he said he would make the Christmas eve meal. He is going to keep everything exactly as Helen (my mother-in-law who passed away in April) did it for the last 55 years, down to the green jello and corn. (Except no lutefisk and Mitch is making Telopia instead). It has been a hard Christmas. Helen always did such great things for the kids, including wonderful stockings. I could not bear to use the stockings that she used to use, but I went out and bought Santa hats for everyone (Including Serenity's boyfriend Steven) and will fill those with candy, toys, etc. Then after Christmas, I will buy stockings at 1/2 off for next year. Life has a way of going on, but it is never really the same. We saw that after Terry (my brother-in-law) died 5 years ago. He used to come over at Christmas and make rosettes. We couldn't make them the first year for sure and I think actually not the second year either, but we did finally bring ourselves to make them. It was good to do that, but was not the same, and it is a tradition that has dropped by the wayside.

Then on Wednesday evening I brought the boys back to Bemidji for church and I went grocery shopping for Christmas groceries. I bought a $32 ham. I was going to make a turkey (that someone had given us), but Ron reminded me that I would have to make stuffing too and that just seemed like too much work. After shopping I went to Penneys and got a haircut. Very short. I am getting used to it. It was time to do something, I was starting to dread the days I washed my hair and had to get through the tangled mess. Also, I am going to be getting on my treadmill alot in the next 180 days and I get so sweaty and short hair is easy to wash and take care of in those situations. I am not sure what I think, but I know I will get used to it. It does look a little like she put a bowl on my head and proceeded to cut and with my currently quite rotund face it is not the best effect but it is new etc and like I said, I will get used to it. I went in to church to get Jonathan and before I found him, I went over to my 2 closest friends there. Neither of them mentioned my haircut, even though it is quite a dramatic change. Hmm.. Then Jonathan greeted me quite loudly in front of about 50 people "What did you do to your hair? It looks terrible, UGG..." I just laughed and went to get Benjamin from the teen area of the church. As we walked out to the car, 14 year old Benjamin said "I hate your haircut". Needless to say the ride home was less than companable. Jonathan sat in the back singing a little song "My mom is so ugly, ugly, ugly..."

Long Time No See

2007-12-14T18:32:00.000-06:00

Yup, it has been about 4 months since I blogged. Not to worry though, as I am pretty sure no one reads this.

Still gaining. Ugg...

My dad has colon cancer. He had surgery on Monday of this week and they removed 1 foot of colon. He will likely have to have some chemo, but not for a couple of weeks.

It is almost Christmas. My daugher will be home for 5 days!! Yeah. Her boyfriend will be coming with her and I think we will all have fun.

I presented my last workshop of the year this Tuesday in Brainerd, MN. Only 3 people in attendance but I still enjoyed presenting.

Not Dead, Not Even Close

2007-08-17T09:10:00.000-05:00

So again with the tough month. I guess more than a month has gone by, but I am still just hanging on by my very stubby, partly painted finger nails. We are in full on harvest mode here at the Berntson farm. It is exciting to see the fields getting cut with the swather, then the combine comes through and gobbles up the grain, leaving behind a smooth yellow trail of straw. The next step is that we have been square baling the straw. The square baler has been having fits and not working as well as it needs to. This adds a considerable amount of time and stress to getting the straw baled. Farming is not for the faint of heart. I could not be prouder of my 14 year old son, who can work a 10-12 hour day and not complain. He hasn't had time to go in and participate in the weight training program, but he is buffer than any of the other guys his age. I am so proud of my 9 year old son who is driving a tractor, pulling a gravity box full of grain and emptying it into a grain bin. I am proud of my 11 year old daughter because she can throw straw bales and keeps at it for quite a while. I am amazed also at how my husband can keep going. I have learned a lot about tenacity and hard work from him. For all of how hard this life is, I need to focus on the positives. We live in the country and have fresh air to breath, green grass for the kids to run and play on. It is a good life. But it is also a hard life.

Tough Month

2007-07-07T08:31:00.000-05:00

It feels like it has been a tough month. Summer's are hard for me. I have so much pressure from family responsibilities, the farm and summer ordering. Ugg.. I have been working hard, but it doesn't always feel like enough. I am so tired right now too. I may take a few days and go visit Serenity in Duluth. I am still struggling with weight issues. Sometimes the option of having gastric bypass sounds like a good idea.

I have taken the kids to the lake quite a few nights lately. Sometimes I work on business stuff, but last night I just read a mindless novel. Escape... I wish that contentment were easier for me to achieve. I am really never content with what I achieve, or have or am. The rest that I seek seems to always be just around the corner.

Speaking and Ordering and Selling OH MY!

2007-06-18T08:23:00.000-05:00

I really do not know where the time went. The speaking went so well up at the International Falls Covenant church last Sunday night. There were about 125 people who attended and I was THE speaker. So I guess I have done a key note now. It was so much fun. I did have a hard time sleeping leading up to it and I think I presented it several times while laying there trying my best to go to sleep. But is is over now and I could easily do another key note. We stayed with my mom and dad (Ron went with me) at the place they have been living for the last 5 months. It is located on Rainy Lake with it own private cove. The house is situated such that when you sit in the living room looking out, there is water on either side of a spit of land. It is one of the most gorgeous places I have ever seen. It was so relaxing to be there (in spite of the fact that I was nervous about speaking). Ron and I did a little bit of hiking, we used the paddle boat, and even sat on the deck for a little while. I wish we would have had longer to be there, but this was great. I am still struggling along with the weight loss. I am down about a total of 4 pounds from a month ago. Struggle, struggle, struggle.

I have been placing my summer orders for the business. It is when I get the best deals and free shipping so it is hard to pass up. But it is also hard to pay for when there is less travel. I hope to do at least 2 days of sales calls out of town this week. I have the laundry started and I will get out to the store in a bit here. I worked on moving things around in the store on Friday and Saturday. I put up a new display, moved some old ones around and finally got to the bottom of my desk. Ugg.. it had really gotten bad. An old friend stopped by on Saturday and the kids and I were thrilled to see her.

Wedded Bliss

2007-06-04T14:35:00.000-05:00

On Friday night our family cooked and served the grooms dinner for my oldest nephew. It was so much fun. It was also our 16th anniversary. Then Saturday was the wedding. That was also very fun. So great to see family that we hadn't seen in a long time. The wedding was beautiful and it really hit me when I saw the ring on his finger. This is my first nephew to get married, and I feel like it is going to start a cascade of neices, nephews and maybe my own daughter getting married.

Ron and I got up and walked for about 30 minutes this morning, and then I did a 45 minute workout video before lunch as well. I am down about 4 lbs since the middle of May. I have to start somewhere I guess.

I am getting ready for a new workshop that I am presenting at my Dad's church in International Falls, MN next Sunday night. It is on Learning Styles and I am very excited about it, but also very nervous.

Where did the week go?

2007-05-25T07:58:00.000-05:00

Woops, it has been a whole week? We had an awsome weekend out in ND. I walked/jogged all 3 mornings, though my knee was sore the last day so I just walked. The loop that I walked must be about 4 - 4 1/2 miles long because it took me about an hour when I walked/ran it and it took over an hour when I walked it. The graduation was fun and lots of work, but very good to see and visit with family.

I have continued to exercise and eat more or less pretty well. I am seeing a little downwardness with the scale, so finally, but this is tough work.

Business is going pretty well. I have been working on bids for bigger programs. Sometimes those are a lot of work and they turn around and don't go with your bid anyway. That gets discouraging. I have also been working on figuring out some of my summer ordering. That gets kind of discouraging too, because then I have to figure out a way to pay for all the stuff I want to order in.

Had a customer come out to the store on Tuesday night. That was great. She was very surprised and delighted with all of the stuff that I have available. Very cool.

Scale Woes

2007-05-18T07:52:00.000-05:00

So, since Monday, I have been eating well and exercising at least some each day, and I weigh exactly what I weighed on Monday morning. That just does not seem fair to me. Losing weight is such an agonizing process, gaining weight is so easy, I can do it with my eyes closed. That is how it feels, it feels like when I am over eating and not exercising that I am coasting, no effort, not as much pain (emotional and physical). Now that I am trying to do well in the healthy eating and exercising, I have to be present. To myself and my family and my body. Being present is painful. My feet hurt, my arms hurt, my back hurts. I think I get a lot of my emotional needs met by over eating, or eating the wrong things. Kids naughty? Eat a candy bar. Set back in the business? Eat some icecream. Argue with Ron? Eat SOMETHNG, anything. Uggg..

The business has been going well this week. Sales calls netted me about 6 deliveries on the way out to Wilton. Now, I need to go enter them and finish filling the van. I am going to try to exercise before I leave and I told Benjamin I would pick him up at 1 pm, so I had better get a move on.

I'm Leaving on a Freight Train

2007-05-17T08:04:00.000-05:00

Actually, we are leaving by car, tomorrow for Wilton, ND. Does anyone know where Wilton, ND is? It is about 20 miles north of Bismarck, ND. Which is the capitol of North Dakota, so of course all of you know where that is. Right? So I have been making sales calls to see if I can deliver orders on my way out there. I did some calling on Monday and sent out catalogs on Tuesday, and .... they came back to me in the mail because I needed more postage. Grrrr... I had to use my car and $3.14 gasoline to drive 10 miles each way to mail these catalogs. Yup, .92 each to mail, and about .75 each for the printing of the catalogs, so almost $1.50. I hope these customers decide to buy something. So many people say they haven't gotten the catalog, the catalogs would have arrived in the last 3 weeks and I try to remind them what is on the cover, just in case they got it and just don't remember, and then sometimes they say, "Oh, ya, I did get that". So does this mean that they get so many catalogs, they just toss mine in the garbage? Or did the mailing company just not mail out some of the catalogs? I don't get it. I had an awsome week in sales. Mostly Little Tikes and Step 2 products. I will be placing those orders on June 11.

Benjamin is the only one going with me. Mary Helen has play practice, and Jonathan is too hard to travel with. I think it will be good to have some one-on-one time with Benjamin.

I am sorta surprised because Ron and the kids are planning on going over to the wedding rehersal dinner on Friday, June 1. I always assumed that Mary Helen and I would go over and stay there and then the guys would come over on Saturday. This is great though. Serenity said she would be taking the kids and going back to Duluth for the night (it is only about 1 1/2 hours drive). It sounds like Ron and I will get to stay in a cabin that night. That Friday is our 16th anniversary. I am married to an awsome guy. I often think about what a lucky girl I am.

Happy Mothers Day to Me

2007-05-14T09:51:00.000-05:00

It was a fairly standard mothers day around here. Except it was Ron's first without his mother. The kids faught on the way down to church, we picked out a grill (I think this was supposed to be a mothers day gift, but no, it is for the family, at least in my mind), we ate at Subway, and then home for an afternoon of naps (me), putting the grill together (Ron and Benjamin), riding the horse (Mary Helen), making us all unhappy (Jonathan), and watching tv (me, Benjamin, Mary Helen). I do have to say, I have been down in the dumps the last few days. I know this time of year is really busy for Ron, and now that I am not traveling, I am home, but alone. Can you feel another pity party coming on? Arggg...

I have the laundry started and have been coloring rice to sell this morning. It is very easy to do. Here is the recipe:

2 cups white rice
1 tbls rubbing alcohol
liquid water color (as much as you want, but at least 1 tbs)

Stir in a bowl, lay flat on newspaper to dry (put on a formica counter top, NOT on nice wood, the alcohol will take the finish off of wood). It will be dry in less than an hour. Make several colors, mix and use for collaging, or making a fun rice box for kids to play with magnets in.

So I am in shorts ready to exercise this morning. I really need to exercise for both my mind and body. Hope you all had a nice mothers day.

Lazy Saturday

2007-05-12T13:45:00.000-05:00

I am having a lazy Saturday and it feels wonderful. I am frequently traveling on Saturdays so to be home and just relaxing is so great. The little kids went fishing with a neighbor and Ron is out farming with Benjamin. Ah, the house to myself. (Oh, ya, I get the house to myself all week, but it is different because I am working). They caught 2 fish and brought them back for me to cook and then we all ate very fresh pan fried fish. Delish. We picked out the picture invitations for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. There is a picture from their wedding day and a really recent picture too. Very fun. Had a good day of home visits in Bemidji on Thursday. I really should be cleaning closets today and getting ready to paint my bedroom. I bought yellow paint, but with all that has gone on in the last 2 months, it had to wait. I did do budgeting stuff this morning, so now I know what I need to be careful about as far as money.

Ron and I are going to take a mini-vacation to the Taylors Falls area the second weekend in June. My dad asked me to present a workshop for their Sunday School teachers that Sunday night, so we will go up to Int'l Falls to his church after our vacation. I am really excited about getting away with Ron. It has been a few years since we have been away alone.

Pity Parties Not Allowed

2007-05-09T08:48:00.000-05:00

I have been feeling rather sorry for myself lately. I feel tired and over extended. Frustrated and less than hopeful. Arggg... I did exercise yesterday and maybe with a few days of that under my belt, I will start to feel better.

My parents have been married for 50 years now. We are having a big shin-dig in August. I think it will be fun to see everyone. Especially if I could just lose weight. Yuck. I hate seeing people when I am fat. Hate, hate, hate it.

I Started My Book Today

2007-05-08T17:23:00.000-05:00

I started writing a book today. I decided just to work on it for 1 hour a day and see what kind of progress I can make. I actually have 3 books I want to write. I also exercised for the first time in weeks. I am back to the weight I was at last August and I am really not happy about it. I wish this wasn't such hard work. I wish I didn't over eat and under exercise so often.

My nephew is graduating from high school a week from this Sunday out near Bismarck, ND so I will be traveling out there for that. I think the only one going with me will be my 13 year old son. Who wishes that the earth would open up and swallow me, or that I would be invisible when his friends are around, or maybe all the time so he wouldn't have to look at me. He can really be a pill sometimes. Arggg...

Another nephew is getting married on June 2 and I am cooking the rehersal dinner. Serenity is going to help me as well as Mary Helen. I think we will have fun doing it.

No reply from my email from this weekend. Either it did not go to the right place, or they are choosing to ignore me. Whatever.

Sundays are for Crying

2007-05-07T17:48:00.000-05:00

I had such a tough tough weekend. Here is an email that I sent to the people in charge of the conference I was a vendor at.

Katy and all
I just want all of you to know how hurt I am by what happened at the conference last night and today. I am not sure what you heard from Jody, but last night Katy showed me the spot where I could set up. I had spoken with Kathy B about unloading on Friday night and she said I would be able to come any time between 1-5. I tried to leave on Friday morning in time to get there by 3 (I live at least 5 hours north of the Blaine Sports Center). I was late leaving, got caught in traffic and had difficulty with my 9 year old son on the trip down there. By the time I arrived at 4:30, I was pretty well fried. Katy showed me where she thought I was supposed to set up in the vendor room (she called someone, but I am not sure who? Jody?). We looked at the two corner spots by the outside door and only one spot had electricity which I had paid extra for. It was at this point that I clearly made a mistake. I did not look at my info where it plainly said that I had paid for one space and one table (neither of the 2 spots had one table and one space), so I took 2 tables. I rearranged and started setting up because Katy said that they had told her that we could be in the building till 8 pm. (I only ended up staying till 6). After I had gotten part way set up, Jody came in and started complaining that I had taken 2 tables instead of a table and a space and that I was setting up in the wrong space. I offered to give her the table back, but she kept complaining. I then told her that I had had such a hard day, that I would prefer to pack up my stuff, get a refund and go home, but she said to just keep the table. I left soon after that and finished setting up in the morning. The next morning, it was very apparent that the spaces were too small, the room was too far away, and there was not addequate signs to tell people where the vendors were. Many of the vendors were very upset that the non-profits were out front and had more room. But it kinda made sense since they paid LESS. By mid morning, I had had one sale. It was to another vendor who had called me last week and I brought her items with me. It was at this point that someone on staff came and told me that I would need to pay $67 for another table since I had taken too much room or taken another table, I am not sure which. I said I would not pay for another table, but that I would be happy to pack up and leave and get a refund immediatly as I had had virtually no sales. I do have to say this person was very calm and not unkind, but she said she would go and talk to the president. She came back and said the president was in a meeting (in the mean time my 9 year old son thought that George W was going to be coming to talk to me and that I might be taken to prison because I wasn't willing to pay the extra vendor fee). No one ever came back to talk to me to clear the air about what had taken place. I do not think that many of you understand what it is like to be a vendor. I have worked with many of you both as a vendor and a trainer and I have made every attempt to be Courteous, on time, entertaining, and add value to all of the conferences that I have attended. I do not enjoy conflict and feel sick about how I was treated and how I am probably being viewed by your organization. I do apologize for taking an extra table, however, I did offer to give it back, both Friday night and Saturday morning. I apologize for bringing so much stuff to sell. I do think that bringing a lot is an advantage for your core customer (child care providers) for several reasons. They have a chance to see the items in person, they do not have to pay shipping, and they can compare prices more easily. I have had to work with Jody when she was running things with the Anoka conference and she has always been very difficult. You are hurting your organization to have someone like her working with the providers and the vendors. Please consider removing her from this position. I feel very badly about hurting the relationship that I have built up with Kathy B, the chance to get to know Katy better and the others that I saw at the Wisdom conference. I have considered your organization an ally and friend and would like to continue that relationship in the future.

Sincerely
Joan Berntson
Back 2 Basics 4 Kids

Then on Sunday, I got an email from one of my online instructors saying that my final project needed to be re-done. I cried for a half an hour and then just re-did it. I was going to say, whatever and walk away from it all, but I am glad I re-worked it. Went and saw Serenity in Duluth on Sunday night and we had a great time. She was having an art show for her art class and it was good to see that and spend some time with her.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2007-05-02T07:43:00.000-05:00

I am feeling better today. I hope the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train. I was telling Ron yesterday that in my thoughts about putting my trust in God over the business, that I need to just go out and do what needs to be done in terms of sales, calls, filling orders and everything else that needs to be done, as a comparison of picking up manna. That I need to not worry about paying the bills next month, or paying off the credit card, or paying for more inventory that I need to order, but just do what I need to do today and God will provide another customer, another order, enough money to pay the bills.

My 11 year old daughter has tried out for a summer play. She finds out today if she made it in. I am excited for her because she will be a good actress and have fun with it. I hope she gets the part.

I am traveling to Thief River Falls today, Bemidji tonight. Blaine on Friday and Saturday and Duluth on Sunday and Monday. I'm glad that I like to travel. My 9 year old son will go with me this weekend. He loves to come and sell with me and my husband is trying to get the crop in. It seems lately that the 2 boys fight so much that it is hard to have them in the same place at the same time.

I still have 2 more assignments for my online class. I wish that I was done with them. I have until end of the day tomorrow. I was looking at another online class, but for marketing. However, at $400, I can do a lot of self study. Yikes.

Tears on my Pillow

2007-04-30T11:18:00.000-05:00

I really hate to cry in public. However, I cry easily, therefore when I go to a funeral, I usually cry in public. I hate that I cry so easily, so I try to do it silently. Try not to make a big deal of it, but eventually, your nose starts to run and you have to wipe the snot away, and anyone sitting behind you knows what you are up to. My mil funeral was very beautiful. My husband and his brother really took a long time getting the songs just right and the pastor that preached really did a beautiful job. It was a beautiful day. I remember the day my grandmother was buried, when we were out at the cemetary an older man I didn't know told another older man "She picked a beautiful day to die". My daughter and I looked at each other and had to give each other a quick hug to hide our laughing faces in each others shoulders. Because, who picks their day to die? Unless, you know, you are choosing to die.

I was at a conference this weekend. For trainers. I got to meet some of the people who are in my online class with me. I felt like I should warn them that I am not as funny in person as I am online. (I know I have not been funny on this blog, but that is different). I don't usually get to go to sessions at conferences because I am selling, so this was a nice change of pace. But my brain got full. And my rear got sore from sitting. They showed a slide show as a memorial to someone that had been active as a trainer who had recently died, and it was hard to watch because it made me think of our family losing my mil. So much sorrow and loss in this world.

On Sunday morning, my husband and I were talking about details and I said something that I wish had stayed in my head. I made him feel bad so I felt bummed all day. Did you know that I am so talented that I can stand and do dishes and cry at the same time and no one even knows? I think we both cried before we went to sleep.

This grieving is a funny business. I know people are just trying to be nice, but the question "How are you doing?" can get so very old. Most of the time, people are just trying to be polite. They would not be happy if you told them you cried yourself to sleep, or that you couldn't sleep, or that you wished you could fall asleep and not wake up. It just isn't done, so when people ask how we are doing, I usually say "Up and Down". That satisfies most people. Yesterday, someone came and asked me how I was doing, but for some reason, it felt like he really meant it.

I tried to explain to Ron that sometimes I feel like the guy on Men in Black who is the cock roach in the guys body and how he walks and make facial expressions. This cock roach guy is so totally not comfortable in his skin and I can so relate. Ron said "You feel like a bug?". Or that I feel like the Red Head on Desperate Housewives because she thinks she can make everything look good to everyone else, but she really can't hold things together at all.

Procrastination.... You're making me wait.

2007-04-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

I am having a hard time getting going this morning. I have been checking my email, my girlfriend message board, my 2 classes message boards, my email, my favorites blogs, my email. I have a ton to do today, but can't seem to get going. It was basically a quiet weekend getting ready for the funeral on Wednesday. We got to go to church as a family for the first time in over a month. I really liked that, and really liked the message. It was on the passage in Exodus where the people are complaining because they are hungry and God gives them the manna. The bottom line of the message is "Do you trust God?". What a timely message. Another part of the message was the need for obedience to God. I have been stressing about the new catalog. There was a cost over run of over $2000 that I did not know about until the day I picked up the catalogs. So I have to say "Yes, I trust God, that He is going to make this business profitable." I have to say "Yes, I trust God, in His timing of MIL illness and passing". I have to trust that this is His answer to our prayers for her. So I am thinking right now about the children's song "Trust and Obey". They do go together.

Softly into that dark night.

2007-04-20T18:32:00.000-05:00

My mother-in-law passed away quietly on Thursday morning around 11 am. The nurse had checked her at 10:30 and all was stable and when she checked at 11, Helen was gone. I have always wondered about the poem that says something about "Do not go quietly into that dark night". I'm sure I have it wrong, but that is what sticks in my mind. And yet, isn't it best not to be struggling? We have a joke in my family that goes like this "I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather, not kicking and screaming.....like the passengers in his car". I know that my mil is in heaven. She is saved, safe, at peace. This is a sad time for our family. She was an awsome grandma. She did so many wonderful things with and for the kids. She really really loved them. They are going to miss her so much. She was also such a great mom. 3 wonderful boys. Only 2 living now. We are such a small family. So much sorrow and death to deal with. I am taking 2 online classes and I am barely holding my head above water getting it all done. I am exhausted. It will all work out I know.

Hello Hardship, My Old Friend

2007-04-17T08:04:00.000-05:00

I have been in such a fog lately because of my mother-in-laws illness. I think we must be only at the 2 month mark at this point, but it has been so intense. She has been down in Fargo for at least 5-6 weeks and the 2 weeks before at home she was really starting to need a lot of care at home. Life does go on, there is no stopping the merry-go-round. I had signed up for 2 online classes before all of this. The first will train me how to provide an online class. It is 6 weeks long and the pace is very fast The second is only 2 weeks long and just started last week. We are entering week 5 of my first class so in a few short weeks we will be all done.

I often am presenting workshops, or out selling for the business and I end up feeling like I have to look a certain way (smiling, friendly, cheerful, happy) when I may not be feeling that way. So I end up feeling plastic. Also, in my husbands family, you really don't share very much with other people and so I am constantly trying to figure out what I can and can't share. I have gotten burned a few times after sharing private information with a neighbor or sister, or friend and then it comes around and bites me. I end up being vague about what I am struggling with because I don't want EVERYONE in the world knowing what is going on, but then I feel closed off, a plastic doll whose emotions are stuck inside.

The boys have been fighting more than usual lately. My 13 year old has been very close to his Grandma. He has gone to Fargo to see her every single weekend. This is not a joy ride. 2 hour drive down there, then either sit in a little tiny ICU room with at the most 1 chair, or go over to the hotel room with it's little beds and so small floor area. My husband and he are often down there together and they would take turns using the chair. One standing while the other sat. Benjamin would hold my mil's hand for hours. I know the one weekend I was down there, I held her hand a lot and she would dig into the back of my hand with her strong, hard nails. I thought perhaps she was mad at me, but then found out that she was also doing this to her sons and Benjamin. When they were not able to be in the room, they would have to wait in the family waiting room, which was often full. They would end up standing in the hallway outside the ICU, leaning against the wall, waiting to go in to see her. I am proud of how he has been so faithful to her.

It is interesting to see how a crisis is seen by others. How many people have called to offer help, but not anything specific. I am so exhausted, I wish that if people were going to bring food, they would have done so when we were trying to care for her at home. Or when we had been gone all weekend down to Fargo, and still had to get a whole weekends worth of work done in 2 hours. We are bringing her back to Fosston today. She will be in the nursing home. This is such a great solution. To have her close where we can all go and be with her. For an hour, or 15 minutes if the kids act up. We can drive seperatly so I can take the kids home when they have had enough. I would think perhaps her friends would go to say goodbye to her.

I found an article in the World magazine recently titled "Hello Hardship, My old Friend". It talks about how in James it says "Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials". Hmm.. I think I am going to have to work on the joy part. I need to re-think what joy is. Does it mean that I am just supposed to focus on the parts that are positive? I can see that this is maturing my son. For him to go down there each weekend and be so faithful in the face of a very hard time. I so admire my husband too. He is so steady. No pity parties for himself or the difficulties we are going through. He just keeps working hard, being faithful, taking care of his mom and so many details. Working with his brother for the best result. I think I almost most admire my brother-in-law. He has been taking care of my mil for weeks. Selflessly. Tirelessly. Seeking God through all of this.

Up/Down and Up/Down

2007-04-16T08:40:00.000-05:00

I am doing the up/down up down thing with my weight. Right now, I am up again. Grrr. I haven't posted in so long, that maybe I can just feel that I am posting for myself. So be it. My mil was diagnosed with Lymphoma about 6 weeks ago. She is now in ICU in Fargo and is not expected to live. This has been an incredibly hard several months. Such a roller coaster. One day we think that there is hope, the next we think no hope.

My neice and I were in Rochester, MN for the MACHE conference. It went fine. So many different kinds of people at that conference. It is always interesting.

My new catalog should be all ready at the printer for me to pick up. I hope it really generates a lot of sales for me.

Catching up and Moving On

2006-09-18T08:59:00.000-05:00

I have been avoiding posting because my website people felt that the direction that my blog had taken was not a good one for my business, and so I waited until they took the link down for the blog from the regular home page. Not exactly a confidence booster, but oh well. It is rather disconcerting to know that customers know what I weigh. The last 6 weeks have been pretty good. I am down to 198.5 as of this morning. I am walking/running on the treadmill and doing some Firm Videos. I try to get in 3-4 Videos with 25 minutes on the treadmill afterwards and one or 2 long days on the treadmill (60 minutes or so). I am not following a diet. I just can't. But I have been eating well... Healthy, whatever.. eating with the thought of losing weight, but not denying myself any food category either. The kids are back in school. They are doing well. My oldest has football and that is fun to watch. Let me know if you are reading, I would love to have some comments.

Alive and kicking, but barely.

2006-07-14T16:21:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am alive, but I get so busy once the kids don't have school, that I have very little time to blog. Not that I have such a big readership, but for all one of you out there, I am still around.
Not doing well on the diet front. Some day, some day.
We went on a vacation to the Black Hills last week. We went with my mom and dad in their RV, but we stayed in a hotel. It was really good several of the days, but a couple of the days my 8 year old son really did not handle the stress of traveling very well, and those days were kind of a bummer. It was so good to have a lot of time with my folks, and very good to have some down time with the kids.
Jonathan is at camp this week, Mary Helen will go next week, and Benjamin will be going the week after that. Benjamin turned 13 on the 4th of July. I was sitting next to him in the RV while on vacation and said "I can't believe I have a 13 year old son". Quick as a wink he said "I can't believe I have a 40 year old mom". I love his sense of humor (sometimes, when it is not gross).
My business is keeping me very busy this summer. I love what I do. The home visits have been great. I had a childcare provider call me from Bemidji and ASK for a home visit. So cool, and she said that she heard that I am called the "Toy Lady". How awsome is that? I have expanded to doing home visits in Grand Forks and East Grand Forks. I also had a home party over their on Tuesday night. I have had quite a few home parties in Thief River Falls too.
I am still struggling to balance the kids, husband, home with what I want/need to do for the business. If anyone comes up with a brilliant idea on how to manage everything, I would sure appreciate a heads up.

Happy Anniversary to ME

2006-06-01T08:29:00.000-05:00

Fifteen years ago, I woke up early so that I could make carmel rolls for my bridesmaids, family and friends. We were staying at the retreat center of the Oak Hills Christian College in Bemidji, MN. Some friends that I had not seen in quite a while had made it and I was thrilled to catch up with them. Then I realized that I needed shoes for Serenity, my 6 1/2 year old daughter, so it was off to the mall to go shopping. I was embarrassed when I saw people there who would be at my wedding later. I'm not even sure why? It did not feel hurried, or harried, but we came back and went to the church by about noon to get my dress on and then I put on nail polish and finished getting all ready. My photographer was late so I was worried about that, but eventually he made it and we started taking pictures. People were coming in to the church and we still weren't done with the pictures, but they were patient and we moved out of the sanctuary so they could sit down. Then finally, time for the processional and I was on cloud nine waiting for my turn to go in. I was arm in arm with my dad, one of my very favorite people in the whole world. And then I was walking down the isle. I wore my mother-in-laws wedding dress, re-made to fit me. It was very simple with long sleeves, and made of smooth ivory satin. It has a medium train and matching head piece with veil. Then Ron and I were together at the front of the church and my dad was up on the stage along with Ron's pastor and my pastor because my dad is a minister too. We had had a rehersal the night before, but I couldn't remember anything and I kept asking my dad in a whisper, what's next? I planned this for months and knew everything, but I couldn't keep track of the order of service. Finally we were marching back out the isle and we were married. We had so much fun at the reception. I even didn't mind hugging all those people in the receiving line. I have always said that my wedding day was one of the best days of my life. What about you? What is your wedding story? Was it the best day of your life? The worst? What would you do differently? I wouldn't change a thing, even my late photographer.

Sand-in-my-Eyes Tired

2006-05-29T08:36:00.000-05:00

Weight is 209.5

I am so tired this morning. We had 12 graduation parties to go to Sunday afternoon. We also went to one on Saturday night. I did so awsome as far as food. I had water or coffee at a couple of places. I had fruit at a couple of places and had pasta salad twice and one meat sandwich and some soup. But nothing like it usually is. Normally I come home from the graduation parties sick because of too much food. It is very tough to use self control usually, but it really went smoothly for me.
I'm still fighting a cold. This morning I have a sore throat and cough. I need to do laundry, pick up the house and get a couple of business things done. Mary Helen is going on a trail ride, Benjamin may go swimming with a friend, and I bet Jonathan will go to the neighbors house. So I will need to be good and get a lot done while they are occupied.

Sorrow, sorrow, sorrow sorrow

2006-05-27T10:41:00.000-05:00

Can't say much. We have lost some one close to us and I am so sad. Not through death, but by choice so that perhaps makes it worse. Or not, because always there is hope.
The business is going so well, I just love what I do. Had home visits yesterday and the kids only had 1/2 a day of school. Summer vacation has begun and I am hoping for September to come quickly this morning. My youngest son has already had a melt down about a broken car, sworn he won't play with the neighbor boy, riffled through his very messy closet looking for a battery, and had hysterics over NOTHING. Mary Helen is making cookies to sell and coming down to the computer every 3 seconds to ask about ingredients, recipes, etc. This may prove to be a very long summer. I do usually have a transition week or two where I grieve my lost freedom and then we get used to the change and life gets better.
My husband and I had our yearly date, or maybe semi-annual date last night. We went to a end of the year school party/retirement party for some of the teachers/principal at his school, and then to the Mission Impossible 3 movie. Sorry folks but I do love me a good action film, and that was such a great action film. However, on the way home, a belt broke and we were stranded along the side of the highway. A highway patrolman gave us a ride home and Ron is out retrieving the van as I write. Ugg.. Ron figures we have about 650,000 miles on the 3 vehicles we own. I know I need a new work van soon (we buy used, so it wouldn't be new, but maybe newer would be the right term), and Ron's farm pickup is embarrassing to drive. The family van looks okay (were we ever to wash it it would look okay), but has almost 200,000 miles.
So obviously I am trying to distract myself from what I am really thinking about. Have a good long weekend everyone.

Up/Down, Up/Down

2006-05-24T11:58:00.000-05:00

Weight is 208.5

So, ya, I didn't keep off the few pounds I was able to lose. Grrr to me. However, I have been having an excellent time with my business. Having so much fun with that. I did home visits yesterday and they went great. I just faxed off an order for Little Tikes stuff. I have 3 parties scheduled in June. So it has been great.

I even have a Saturday at home this weekend. Those don't happen very often, so I think I will declutter/clean the house. Then Sunday is graduation parties for the kids that Ron teaches.

I would love to hear from any readers. So post a comment won't ya? Thanks. :)

Where does the time go?

2006-05-19T08:00:00.000-05:00

I have been busy, but also not doing so hot in the exercise and food department. Grrr..

Our little town lost an 11th grader to a car accident last weekend. He was coming to the prom with his date and he lost control of the borrowed sports car and hit another car head on. The other driver also died, as well as the girl going to prom. The funeral was yesterday. My husband went and was telling me some of the stories this morning. Just devestating.

I am really enjoying my business as usual. I had a chance to get a bit caught up on things yesterday and then last night had a party in Thief River Falls. It went really well. I have a children's health fair on Saturday (tomorrow). I am looking forward to it. Shorter hours, maybe less people, so I will take less stuff. All in all good. I have my first speaking engagement for the fall lined up. Woo hoo. I really do enjoy presenting.

We had a nice Mother's Day. I had everyone here and there ended up being about 25 people. But I felt relaxed and really enjoyed the day.

Back from the South

2006-05-10T08:14:00.000-05:00

Weight is 205.5

So we are back from South Dakota. Which was a disaster in terms of business, but wonderful in terms of having a great weekend with my son. My space cost me $120 and I sold $140 so I guess you know that it was not a paying kind of weekend. However I did get to shop at the giant Penneys in Fargo, ND and found perfect pale yellow sheer curtains for the master bedroom. I also bought a wonderful comforter with shams and bedskirt and actually got it after coupon etc. for only $65. It was originally $200 but had been a display and was on sale also. Woo hoo. It is gorgeous and thick and even goes with the curtains. In a way. But it is too thick so can't sleep with it at night without wanting to throw off the covers because it feels like a sauna. In other decorating news, my almost 13 year old son and I have been painting his room. We are doing 2 1/2 walls lime green and 1 1/2 walls a deep midnight/purply blue. It is going to look so good. I will have to go over the walls we did last night (we got through the closet, and the biggest green wall, and about 1/2 of the smallest half wall).
The big Step 2 order came in and I did some deliveries yesterday, I will go to Thief River Falls to do a party delivery, and other deliveries. I hope to do some more painting today, and maybe even a trip to Bemidji to do more deliveries and pick up more paint.
The diet is a struggle right now. I have not gotten in any exercise in quite a few days. Arggg... The kids only have 2 more weeks of school after this one. Boy the year is winding up quick. Have a good one everyone.

Witty Titles Escape Me

2006-05-04T08:28:00.000-05:00

Weight - 205

Well, well, well. 4 Days in a row. So the scale was up today instead of down. But it is still 5 down for the week. My son and I are going to Souix Falls, SD on Friday night for a Childcare Conference on Saturday. My independant rep (who is so awsome, she really goes above and beyond with hard work, conferences, sales, home visits), has a conference in Fargo, ND.

So I am trying to figure out why I am getting so few orders on the website. When I go there during the day there are usually 5-10 people online, but I am getting so few orders. What is with that? I used to get orders upon orders. It is still the same stuff. But people are not placing orders.

I decided to focus on getting caught up around here today instead of trying to schedule home visits. My cleaning lady is coming and I need to pick up and do the dishes before she gets here. I really need to declutter my bedroom. It is driving me crazy. I also found the perfect yellow sheers for my bedroom and I am going to buy them in Fargo on my way to Souix Falls on Friday. They are at Penney's and I have a coupon so I will save money. Though I really don't have anything in the budget for curtains. BUT the sheers I have now have been up there for over 10 years, and they were in the house we rented before that for probably 5 years. So I think it is time. Okay, so I decided I wanted to post a picture of those sheers, (which I could only find the picture in sage green, but I realized after I had saved the picture onto my computer that I am so not in the know, that I don't even know how to post a picture on my blog. How lame is that? I also just figured out how to do a link without the whole stupid thing being in the blog.

Okay, so I am thinking I spoke too soon. I do not know how to do a link. Amoung other things that I don't know. I have now made it bold and I don't know how to get back to regular. Arggg... So I figured out how to get it off bold, but now it is in italics. Arggg again.

Well, I don't imagine that there is anyone reading this anyway, so I will not worry about the mistakes etc.

Three in a ROW!

2006-05-03T08:27:00.000-05:00

Weight 204.5

I would guess that a lot of Monday's weigh in was water. Yeah for that. The home visits went well yesterday and then I even walked outside after supper. That felt great. I am going to get out this morning again, or if it starts raining by then, I am going to go on the treadmill. So I am actually down 6.5 for my crazy quest to lose 15 by my 15th, and would "only" need to lose 9.5 pounds for the rest of May. I am going to really push it as much as I can. I also was realizing over the 4 days of travel last week how unhappy I am with my weight in connection to my work. I am just sick about having to get up and speak when I am this heavy. I hate my dress clothes and hate talking to people and having them see my catalog which says that I have lost 60 pounds and only have about 20 lbs to go when that is so obviously not true anymore. So I realized that the hour that I spend exercising is the most important hour of the day in regards to business goals right now. I have so much to do today. Fun stuff, but for whatever reason, I feel a bit overwelmed. I feel like I am juggling a lot of balls and I am afraid that one of them (or lots of them) are going to crash.

Fifteen by my Fifteenth

2006-05-02T08:11:00.000-05:00

Weight 206

So, I am on a crazy quest to lose 15 pounds by my 15th anniversary which is June 1, 2006. Good thing I lost 4 lbs yesterday as I was getting worried that I had bitten off more than I can chew. So I'm thinking that that Monday morning weight of 210 was not very accurate. I think there might have been 4 lbs of water. I did get on the treadmill for 45 minutes and it felt great. I kept my calories to 1490 (I was shooting for 1400, but I still felt good about it). I was going to get up at 6 am and walk on my treadmill before getting ready for the day, but umm... sleep won out. I have home visits today. I always enjoy these. I see so much variety in terms of Childcare.

I only have an hour before I need to leave and I still need to put on makeup, make the bed, and a couple of projects for Back 2 Basics 4 Kids. Including updating the calender. Did you know that you can go here http://www.back2basics4kids.com/webcalendar/month.php and see where I am going to be a presenter and vendor? I haven't updated in quite a while so it is blank right now.

Have a good one everyone.

Monday Morning Mania

2006-05-01T08:48:00.000-05:00

Weight today was 210.

I am always running around like a chicken with it's head cut off on Monday mornings. I do laundry just one day a week and for the last couple of years it has been Monday that is the set aside day for the dreaded washing. By Monday night I am usually so tired I am like a limp dishrag. Today I also have so many business things that I need to work on. Fun things to be sure, but hard to get everything done. I had 4 days of travel/shows last week. On Wednesday night I presented a workshop in Grand Rapids, MN for their week of the young child celebrations. I felt that it went very well. Then on Thursday and Friday, I was at the CCR&R conference in Bloomington (right next to the Mall of America). In this wretched little hotel. And sales were terrible. I sold about $33 worth of product and had paid $100 for the spot, so that obviously doesn't work. However, I did make contact with people who hire trainers, and I hope to be hired to come in and do trainings for some of these CCR&R agencies. CCR&R stands for Child Care Resouce and Referral. This agency is the agency that delivers training to licensed childcare providers and also funnels grant money to them. Then on Saturday I was at a home based business expo in Bagley, MN. I made expenses and seemed to make some good connections, but sales were ho hum. Is it just that it is the end of the month and people have run out of money? I have a Home Party in Thief River Falls on Thursday night and then Jonathan and I will be traveling to Souix Falls, SD on Friday afternoon. We are staying at the Holiday Inn and the Childcare conference is at another hotel on Saturday. I have never done this show so it will be interesting to see how it goes. I did a home school conference there last summer and sales were not great, but this is a totally different market.
Well enough rambling, I am going to go finish sorting laundry and get my second load in. Have a good one everyone.

Still here, still kicking.

2006-04-25T18:47:00.000-05:00

I know, I know I haven't updated in a while. I am still here, but running like a fool. I was in St. Paul, MN for 3 days with the MACHE conference. All in all rather disappointing as far as sales. They were several hundred dollars lower than the last time I was at this location and quite a bit below what I had in sales 1 year ago in Rochester, MN (they move the conference around the state of Minnesota on a 3 year rotation). There were a couple things that really bugged me. First off, so many people charged small amounts. $5, $7.50, $9.99. One fellow tried to charge $1.60 but I said I couldn't. I have to pay .35 right off the top every time someone charges, plus another 4% of the total sale in other fees. So it needs to be a decent amount that is charged to make it worth it for me. Also, I was very irritable with how hard it was to set up. There are loading docks at the River Center (which is where the conference was) and we were told to park, unload, move our vehicle and then come back to move stuff to our spot. But many, many vendors parked and hauled stuff to their spot and even set up while they left their vehicles in the way. One pickup and trailer was at the loading dock the entire time I was setting up on Thursday night. Then on Saturday night when it was time to load my van with my stuff, there was a vendor that was so in the way it was a nightmare. She left her big SUV doors open on the ramp down to my van at least twice so I had to close them before I could get by. She had pallets of stuff in the walk way so you couldn't push your cart past her trailer, and then she had the nerve to do a little dance with her two-wheel cart right in front of me when I had my cart loaded. When I made a face of disgust at her she said "Well, I know it is a sin to have so much energy after a conference." SNOT. I hope she finds this blog and sees herself. It also sounds like I have someone new to pray for. Hmmm.. why do I struggle at Christian Conferences so much more than my daycare conferences? Do I have higher expectations or do Christians really act worse? I am a Christian and I know I have work of my own to do, so don't anyone fall apart on me.
On the diet front, I am up a couple of pounds since last Sunday. Groan. I am at 208.5 as of Monday morning. I really do want to take the weight off, but I seem to want my treats more.
I am in for another 4 days of travel this week. Wednesday night I am doing a workshop in Grand Rapids, MN for a rather large group, then down to the cities for a 2 day conference, then on Saturday I will be in Bagley, MN for a short community sale. I have no idea what to expect for sales, so I hope to be pleasantly surprised.
I sure would appreciate some comments if anyone is reading.

Up, down, all around.

2006-04-13T07:51:00.000-05:00

Well, I am still kicking, but I have had a couple of tough weeks. Between giving blood, TOM, so many workshops, home visits, etc, and the time change, I have been really wiped out. That Sunday after I last wrote, I weighed in at 204.5, then by this last Sunday, I saw 209. Grrr. I am down to about 206.5 this morning, so I am really relieved. The kids and my husband are off school for 5 days now. Today is a busy day, but then I will get to relax and enjoy them. My MIL is taking all of us out for dinner on Easter and then we get to go to the small regional airport to meet my brother-in-law who is coming back from 2 weeks in Gautemala.
I just keep telling myself, "I want to be under 200, I want to be under 200". If I could think myself thin, I would be there already.

You can't get blood from a Stone

2006-03-30T11:14:00.000-06:00

I am going into town in a little while to give blood. I do have somewhat difficult veins, but hopefully it won't hurt too bad. I keep asking how many calories it takes to produce a new pint of blood in my body. After all I do know that it is mostly water, but surely your body has to use some energy in creating a whole pound of blood. I have never seen a significant loss on the scale after giving blood, but I keep hoping. It is so embarrasing because I gave blood about a year ago and was at my all time low (for the last 15 years anyway) at 162 lbs. Then 5 months later I want in and had gained about 25 pounds to about 185, now I will be going in there and have to tell them that I weigh 205, another 20 pound gain. Argg...
I have gotten on the treadmill 4 of my 5 days so far this week. We are celebrating my youngest son's 8th birthday on Saturday with about 25 people. It gets big fast because my sister has 11 kids (9 live at home), so whenever they come it is over 1/2 of the people. We always have such a great time though and I hope my kids (and my neices and nephews) have great memories of all our super get togethers.
I am still having a hard time with motivation this week. Inertia... it's holding me back. (Sung to the tune of the old Ketchup commercial... "Anticipaaation... you're making em wait" Does anyone else remember that or am I just stinking old here).
Hey, have a good one.

Midweek Blahs

2006-03-29T08:15:00.000-06:00

Well, I am having some trouble with motivation the last couple of days. I really need a day off, but can't seem to just set everything aside and rest. Besides which, I can't quite figure out how to rest without binging. The 2 are so put together in my mind. I am such an all or nothing person. I wish that I could feel rested after just a half day off. I did get on the treadmill both Monday and Tuesday. I will be getting on again this morning.
I was part of an interesting meeting yesterday at noon. It was a focus group for the North West Minnesota Foundation (I have had my business loan through them for 6-7 years), and they were looking at their leadership training program. I have gone through both the Leadership 1 and Leadership 2 and found them very valuable. They are looking at how to make them better and it was interesting to see the perspective of the other people at the group.
I am working on setting up Home Visits for Childcare providers to look at the Step 2 catalog. April is slow as far as conferences and so forth until about the 21st and then I am running non-stop for the last 10 days. I think my sister Jenn will come with me to the big home school conference in St. Paul. We will have a great time. And I need the help.
The eating has not been as clean as I would have liked over the last 2 days, but I have not been binging which I see as a small victory.

2 lbs gone

2006-03-26T18:23:00.000-06:00

Well, I am so glad to report that I lost 2 lbs this week, so I am at 205.5 now. Yeah me. I did have a good week, though with traveling on Friday and Saturday it is much more challenging to keep the food healthy. But I am really focusing on making this FOREVER and making it work with my life instead of beating myself up because I am not eating PERFECT. I did get on the treadmill 5 days this week. Walked/jogged about 40 minutes all 5 days. I really love my treadmill. Kinda, except when I hate it. The presenting and selling went well. I convinced my husband to come with me and bring our 2 boys. My daughter had a birthday party to go to, and we were only gone about 28 hours. It was good and I hope the boys have good memories. I slept so much better with my husband beside me. I often do not sleep well the night before a conference if I am in a strange place. I have a very busy week ahead of me. I love it, though I have some things to pull together to make it work. I will have to get up early to get my exercise in, so that will be my challenge this week. Getting up at 6 am to walk/jog, instead of convincing myself I need more sleep.

WHAT? 2 DAYS IN A ROW?

2006-03-22T12:47:00.000-06:00

Hey, it can happen to the best of us. I walked/jogged on the treadmill both Tuesday and Wednesday and felt so good. I need to get on today still. I will try for 2:30 pm so I can be done before the kids get home from school.
Mary Helen is doing much better today.
My oldest son Benjamin who will be 13 in July, and he and I are traveling to St. Cloud on Friday for a Saturday conference. He will help me unload, watch my booth while I present and get a chance to swim in a hotel pool. I am looking forward to having some positive time with him. He is a typical 7th grader and can be pretty moody at times, so I hope we have a good time together.

Dead Horses and Busy Weeks

2006-03-21T08:25:00.000-06:00

My 10 year old daughters horse had a baby in the night, but it was too cold and the colt died. Mary Helen received this horse last October from the family of her best friend who died in a horse accident in August. We were told that the horse had not been bred, but within the last 2 weeks we started to be suspicious that we were going to have a foal soon. Sadly in NW MN it is too cold for a baby horse to make it at the end of March. We tried to keep a close eye on the horse and would have brought the baby inside to keep it warm, but I guess we would have needed to stay up all night.

In other news, I did lose 1 1/2 pounds this week to land at 207.5 on Sunday. I am going in the right direction. I had 3 solid days of conferences and presenting last week. It seemed like a tough week, but I made good choices and worked hard on both the diet and business stuff. I stayed with an my husband's cousin's exwife. We actually spent the weekend snowmobiling with them the first time we went out more than 16 years ago, so we go way back. I still sorrow over their divorce.

My daughter traveled with me and we had such a great weekend. She is such a great kid. Easy to get along with and asking some interesting growing up questions. I'm glad we have that positive memory.

Thoughts and Such

2006-03-15T08:25:00.000-06:00

Well, I got on the treadmill on Monday and Tuesday despite the fact that one of my feet was bothering me. I really appreciated the exercise. I also have continued to read "Thin for Life" and I am trying to reframe this into a NON-diet diet. I do know on one level that I will have to do this for the rest of my life, but on another level, I just want this to be done. I wonder if I thought more in terms of health if I would find social situations less daunting? Would I realize that holidays are not something to be feared? I don't know, lots of thoughts spinning through my head right now.
Also working on not feeling rejected. Nothing specific (that I can share). But I do at times "feel" rejected even when I know that it might be more in my head. I experience this more when I am heavy, than when I am thinner.
I am going to set up in Bemidji, MN today for a 2 day conference. My family has 2 days off of school because our girls basketball team is going to State on Thursday and Friday. I wish that I could be home with them and get the vacation too. It will be okay though, it will work out.
I am having some general anxiety over the last few days. Not sure why, (maybe not using food to cope???).

Monday Morning

2006-03-13T09:40:00.000-06:00

The early part of this week is nice and slow at home, then Wednesday I set up for a 2 day conference (Thursday and Friday) at which I present both days, and then travel directly to a Saturday conference where I present again. I need to be all ready to go so that it doesn't hit me.

I am doing laundry, and trying to put out spring decorations this morning. It is slow going to get all my snowmen put away. I do love them, but it is time for Spring. We still have lots of snow, so the outside will not match the inside for a while. I found 2 "diet" books at a used place for $1.00 each. One is "Thin for Life", and the other is Susan Powter's "Food". I have read a bit of each one and so far I like them both. I did not lose or gain this week, which I can live with because I have only done so so, and a couple days did very poorly. I just got off the treadmill, about 2 1/2 miles in 35 minutes. My foot is bothering me. I pulled a door over it about 6 weeks ago, and I have wondered if one of the little bones got cracked. If it isn't one thing it is another. I watched 1/2 ton man last night on TLC. Arggg... Why is weight loss etc. so hard, so much work, such a mental process. They were talking about how people who overeat have dopamine receptors that are similar to a drug addicts, or in other words, they have less dopamine receptors that are working (for whatever reason), so people that eat too much are looking for that "high" that comes from lots of food, and they have to eat ever larger quantities to get the same feeling. I do at times feel like a food addict. I even feel like I "check out" when I am in the middle of a binge. I don't want to deal with anyone, just let me be with my food so I can ENJOY it. Sad.

I had such a great work week last week. I did so many things. No conferences, but 2 evening workshops (one in Little Falls, MN, one in Grand Rapids, MN), 1 homeschool home party, several home visits and some home deliveries.

If anyone is reading, I would so appreciate an encouraging comment or two.

Where did the time go?

2006-03-08T07:39:00.000-06:00

So I did lose 1/2 pound last week. Was at 209 on Sunday morning. But I was so bad for the 3 days of travel. However, I did a workshop in Little Falls, MN and I walked around town for 45 minutes and then yesterday I was in Thief River Falls, MN and walked around town there. I am still struggling to get the food back under control. My blister is healed, but my other ankle which I twisted way back in January is still being tempermental. I have another workshop in Grand Rapids, MN on Thursday night as well as a home party there that afternoon with Home School moms. I am really looking forward to it. I think it will be a lot of happy exuberance on the part of the kids. :) So then I will have Saturday off so I think that will be good. My youngest son started wrestling. He has a meet on Thursday night. He could go to an all day meet on Saturday, but the bus ride is 2 hours each way and then all day and I don't think they are supervised that well. I think it will be too much for him not to get in trouble so we will play it by ear and see how Thursday night goes.

Blah, but still going.

2006-03-01T13:28:00.000-06:00

So I am experiencing some blahs. I have an infected blister on the back of my heel that I am baby-ing (is that a word?). I wanted to walk on the treadmill 4 days this week, but only got in about 20 minutes on Monday. I have not had shoes on in at least 3 days. (Remember, I work at home). I am traveling and need to get ready for it, and I can not seem to get myself going. I will be gone Thursday - Saturday night. I will get to stay with my wonderful friend Sherri, so I am so glad about that. I am hoping for a great conference, but don't know what to expect. I have been reading blogs (mostly weight loss blogs) over the last 2 days and they are so wonderfully inspiring.

THE PLAN

2006-02-28T15:10:00.000-06:00

We all have to have a plan, right? And here is mine and has been going on for about 5 days.
It is somewhat vague, though based on the realization that I will need to burn/reduce my intake by 210,000 calories to lose the 60 lbs to my goal weight of 150. So with that as my starting reference and realizing that I am going to need to be exercising an hour a day by the end of all this, I set up 3 "steps" if you will in my weight loss. I figured roughly that from 210 down to 180 that I would stay the same weight at 2400 calories per day, It will likely take me 22 weeks to lose the first 30 lbs, From 210-180 I want to try for 1850 calories per day and burning at least 1500 calories a week. Whatever combination of exercise burns 1500 calories, wether it is 3 times at 500 calories each or 5 times at 300 calories each. Then when I get to 180 lbs, I estimated that I could maintain that weight with 2100 calories, so I want to reduce my calories to 1650 calories and up my exercise to 3000 calories extra burned per week (I think I can do this in 11 weeks), then for the last 11 weeks, I assume that I would maintain at around 1900 calories per day, so for the last 11 weeks, I want to have my calories at around 1550 and burn about 4000 extra calories per week. I haven't thought about maintenance except to realize that I will need to be exercising about an hour a day (I think of that usually for 5 days a week, not 7). Okay, so now the world knows what I weigh, too humiliating. I actually started at 211 lbs, but my weight now is 209.5, so I guess it is working. Please, please, if you know me, or come to one of my workshops, or are another vendor or customer, Please don't tell me you read my blog. I would rather die.

Confession Time

2006-02-22T08:24:00.000-06:00

I mentioned quite a bit back that I might talk about weight loss, and though I am afraid that someone I know might find this, or that customers might be reading (as well they might since the blog link is on my website), weight loss is a huge part of my life. Or weight gain as the case may be at the moment. I had a catalog printed up about 15 months ago that talked in the front cover about my family and me, and it told how I had lost 60 pounds. I went on to lose about 15 more pounds and at this point now, I have only maintained a loss of about 25 pounds. It is so hard to have people comment on my weight loss, as if it were still real, as if I really had lost and kept off 60 pounds instead of having GAINED 50 pounds in the last 9 months. I know what I need to do, I really wasn't on a program or going to any center, or following anyone elses way, I did it all on my own, with several different things. I started with an old Weight watchers exchange program. So many breads, so many milks, proteins, fats, fruits, etc. And I started adding exercise. Walking at first, then jogging. Until I was walking/jogging 4 miles a day (6 days a week). When the exchange program got old, I went to counting calories and when it got cold here in NW Minnesota, my husband bought me a wonderful treadmill. Which I continued to use about 5 times a week. But I started struggling last May and have gained and gained and gained. Until finally really nothing in my closet fits. I have had to go and buy 3 pairs of jeans to have something, anything to put on my body. There are so many times when I have been embarrased to go to a conference because I will see my other vendor friends, or past customers, or just plain feel FAT. I don't know what will get me back to taking care of myself. How I will mysteriously find the spark, but I HAVE to. This is too miserable a way to live.
By the way, had an okay conference. It was so cold in the Twin Cities that I was worried my car wouldn't start. My friend let me put my car in her garage over night (Thank you Robyn), and I went out twice during the day to start and run the car so that I could for sure get it going and get home. Now I have 2 weeks with no travel. I will likely do some home visits with childcare providers. I love those, and I think childcare providers find them convenient and fun too.

At the back of the Whirlwind

2006-02-15T08:19:00.000-06:00

Actually the whirlwind would be ME. I haven't stopped running since last Thursday morning. I left for a 2 day conference at about 10 am and the roads were not very good. I was able to make decent time, but was left drained because of constant vigilance to conditions and other cars. However, the making good time ended as soon as I hit 169s in the Twin Cities. I only had about 20 more miles to go, but it took me 1 1/2 hours to go the last little bit. Granted the roads were not great, but not worth going SO SLOW. Arggg... If I wasn't frazzled before, I quicly became frazzled. Then I got lost in the last 2 blocks of my search for the church where the conference was held. However, after that the weekend went SO VERY WELL. I met a new friend who was a vendor in the alcove near me. She is a potter and I bought tiny lips to give to my husband for valentines day. They were a hit here though my kids were sure they were good to eat and the boys each had to put them in their mouth to check it out (my boys are almost 8 and 13). She was so willing to share from her heart and I enjoyed visiting with her no end. The sales were pretty good also, I did not know what to expect because I have never done this conference before. Then I stayed with my friend Sherri Eide, who is married to the Christian singer Peder Eide. Sherri has a masters degree in counseling and I took full advantage of her expertise. We talked about some things I have been struggling with and she showed me how to pray some prayers of forgiveness for some people in my life that I have been trying to forgive for years. I feel that God has moved in my life in a very real way.
I did get home on Saturday night, but then Church on Sunday, family time Sunday afternoon/evening, and then Monday was a mad rush to receive a couple of pallets of Little Tikes products off of a Semi, not to mention laundry, supper, cleaning up, and the usual pull-the-business-together-after-3-days-away. Then on Tuesday I delivered a BIG Little Tikes Playground to Bemidji, and today I travel to Aitkin to present a workshop. I told someone this weekend that I love what I do so much that sometimes I almost have to pinch myself that this is what I get to do for a living.

Wonderful Weekend.

2006-02-06T08:42:00.000-06:00

I did have trouble getting myself ready on Friday night so I got a bit of a late start, but the roads were good and I got almost all the way set up on Friday night for the Saturday conference. Which was AWSOME. Great sales, friendly ladies, good food, and the presenting went very well. I love that part of what I do. It is so fun to get the group to start sharing ideas and getting excited about trying something new. It always makes me feel great when I can find something new for either a very new Childcare provider, or one that has been in it for a lot of years.

We had a good Sunday too with Church, then family time and relaxing. Though my daughter went to my neighbors church for a memorial service for her best friend. Last summer, Mary Helen's best friend, Karina was in a horse accident and was killed. She was only 9. This last week she would have turned 10. I think this has been a tough year for my daughter. I know she thinks about her a lot, even if she doesn't talk about her much.

Then I did a few business things while my husband worked on school work, and a bit of relaxing in the evening and it made for a great weekend. Oh, and we had Benjamin's basketball coach in for coffee. He was out on an errand and came in to get warm. It was fun to get his perspective on coaching 18 7th graders. It has been so fun to watch Benjamin's games.

Back to Brainerd

2006-02-03T08:36:00.000-06:00

So I leave again for Brainerd today. Not quite ready to go and I am procrastinating final preparations for what ever reason. I still need to get on the treadmill and walk for 1/2 hour. It doesn't seem like it should be that hard, but the getting started is the worst. I have to get my workshop tub ready, including making some recipes of messy stuff. The workshop I am doing is called Glorious Goop. It is one of my favorite workshops to present, but I need to make sure everything is fresh. I also have to repack the van for selling, from when I was in Grand Forks, ND 2 weeks ago. I made a cake for the family for when I am gone this weekend, and I will put soup in the crockpot for supper. I am missing Mary Helen's (age 10) basketball game tomorrow. I wish it had been last Saturday since I was home then. Someone asked me an interesting question on Tuesday night. I do travel quite a bit with the business, and I really love that part of what I do. Ron (my husband) has always been very good at picking up the slack when I am gone and his mom lives just 2 miles away and will cook a meal or help with the kids when I am gone. Anyway, this older lady said "What do you do with your kids when you travel?". I said, well, my youngest is almost 8 and my husband parents. NOT BABYSITS FOLKS, parents. It has been good to have almost 3 months of less travel, but I am very ready for the busy spring season. I love what I do, I am very fortunate that way. I even get to take my kids with me on occasion. One at a time only, since all the seats have been taken out of the van (except the drivers seat and front passenger seat) to put tubs of products there. Well, I am off to frost the cake and then EXERCISE.

January in Minnesota

2006-02-01T10:37:00.000-06:00

I drove 2 1/2 hours to my workshop. Good thing I got there early, the classroom was SO hard to find in the college. Presenting went very well. I always remember why I love speaking/presenting. There were about 8-9 ladies there, and several of them said how much they enjoyed the ideas. Some of them said they would be at my workshop on Saturday, so I have to make sure I have some different ideas. It was interesting cuz several people said they work with toddlers or infants and toddlers and were wondering about inexpensive ideas to use with them. Does anyone out there have some super ideas? If so please post them here for all to see. One of the things I suggested was that they take an empty formula can, cut a slit in the plastic cover, and let the babies drop metal juice lids or metal canning jar lids into the can. It makes a fun sound and it is great for hand/eye coordination.
I heard on the radio on the way down, that Minnesota is experiencing the warmest January since 1849. WOW. Nice for the old heating bill anyway.
The weather on the way home was gastly. It started out as wet slushy snow, and quickly became a semi-blizzard. If you have never driven in snow on rural 2 lane roads, I dont' suggest it. It was hard to see where the side/middle of the road was, so for quite a bit of the time I could only go 35-40 mph. Ugg.. I did stop to get coffee and that felt great. Warm, filling. However, I have a question. Precisely where does a gal find a bathroom at 11:30 pm in a snowstorm in rural Minnesota? I'm just asking.

On the Road Again

2006-01-30T08:29:00.000-06:00

Well, after almost 2 months of very little travel, I am back on the road this week. Traveling to Brainerd, MN; twice. Tuesday night I am presenting a workshop at the Community College and then on Saturday I will be a vendor and also present a workshop for the Providers Choice Conference in Baxter (right outside of Brainerd). I love to travel for my business, but the first time back is always like coming back after a vacation. Groan, moan,...
I suppose I should give some background on my business. I was a licensed child care provider for 6 years, and about 4 years into it, I started my business, calling it Back to Basics. At first I thought I would sell dried beans, oatmeal, granola and oh ya, a few craft kits I put together. The craft kits went, the dried beans didn't, and so I realized I needed to focus on just one of these aspects. I still remember my very first sale held at our local Community Center on April 15, 1997. I sold about $65 that first day and I was ecstatic. Beside myself with joy. I was on my way. People liked my stuff. I remember the date because, though we live about 75 miles away, that was the day that the Red River overflowed its banks in Grand Forks, ND, and East Grand Forks, MN. It was called a HUNDRED YEAR flood because no one had seen a flood that bad in 100 years. No lives were lost in Grand Forks (I believe I read that a young pregnant mother and child froze to death near Fargo, ND because of flooding there), but many people lost their homes, businesses, and really their way of life for a very long time. I think it took the area more than 5 years to really recover. In May or June of that year, my husband gave/lent me $1000 to send out 1000 letters with price lists to area child care providers. A few orders came in, I started taking over the basement with my inventory, and started dreaming about traveling to child care conferences to sell my craft kits. This is getting too long, so I will continue another time.

Back 2 Basics 4 Kids

Let's Get Started

2006-01-29T17:37:00.000-06:00

Well, having never had a blog, I'm not quite sure how to begin, but will try to post on occasion. My name is Joan and I am the owner of Back 2 Basics 4 Kids. I have all kinds of things going on, both business related, family, and personal, but I am not sure how personal I will get, so we will just have to see. I have 4 children, age 7 - 21. My 21 year old does not live at home any more. That has indeed been an adjustment. But I am getting more used to it now. I never really did believe those "old" ladies that used to say "Oh, enjoy them when they are little, they grow up so fast". Egaaddss, at the point when my children were preschoolers, I have to confess that I was one of those mothers that knew exactly what date they would be starting school. How I loved those years, and yet how hard they were in many ways. My husband says we are in the best years of our lives because of all the 3 kids that live at home "they all sleep through the night, but none of them can drive".
I do have weight loss issues, but I may be too embarrassed to talk about them much. Give me a few months maybe I will be less reticent. Regardless, I am glad to be here and would love to here from you all.
Joan
Back 2 Basics 4 Kids: Good Morning

Good Morning

2006-01-23T09:08:00.000-06:00

Back 2 Basics 4 Kids now has a blog to find all current happenings!
Please check back regularly to find out what is going on.

Have a great day!