Confession Time

I mentioned quite a bit back that I might talk about weight loss, and though I am afraid that someone I know might find this, or that customers might be reading (as well they might since the blog link is on my website), weight loss is a huge part of my life. Or weight gain as the case may be at the moment. I had a catalog printed up about 15 months ago that talked in the front cover about my family and me, and it told how I had lost 60 pounds. I went on to lose about 15 more pounds and at this point now, I have only maintained a loss of about 25 pounds. It is so hard to have people comment on my weight loss, as if it were still real, as if I really had lost and kept off 60 pounds instead of having GAINED 50 pounds in the last 9 months. I know what I need to do, I really wasn't on a program or going to any center, or following anyone elses way, I did it all on my own, with several different things. I started with an old Weight watchers exchange program. So many breads, so many milks, proteins, fats, fruits, etc. And I started adding exercise. Walking at first, then jogging. Until I was walking/jogging 4 miles a day (6 days a week). When the exchange program got old, I went to counting calories and when it got cold here in NW Minnesota, my husband bought me a wonderful treadmill. Which I continued to use about 5 times a week. But I started struggling last May and have gained and gained and gained. Until finally really nothing in my closet fits. I have had to go and buy 3 pairs of jeans to have something, anything to put on my body. There are so many times when I have been embarrased to go to a conference because I will see my other vendor friends, or past customers, or just plain feel FAT. I don't know what will get me back to taking care of myself. How I will mysteriously find the spark, but I HAVE to. This is too miserable a way to live.
By the way, had an okay conference. It was so cold in the Twin Cities that I was worried my car wouldn't start. My friend let me put my car in her garage over night (Thank you Robyn), and I went out twice during the day to start and run the car so that I could for sure get it going and get home. Now I have 2 weeks with no travel. I will likely do some home visits with childcare providers. I love those, and I think childcare providers find them convenient and fun too.