You can't get blood from a Stone

I am going into town in a little while to give blood. I do have somewhat difficult veins, but hopefully it won't hurt too bad. I keep asking how many calories it takes to produce a new pint of blood in my body. After all I do know that it is mostly water, but surely your body has to use some energy in creating a whole pound of blood. I have never seen a significant loss on the scale after giving blood, but I keep hoping. It is so embarrasing because I gave blood about a year ago and was at my all time low (for the last 15 years anyway) at 162 lbs. Then 5 months later I want in and had gained about 25 pounds to about 185, now I will be going in there and have to tell them that I weigh 205, another 20 pound gain. Argg...
I have gotten on the treadmill 4 of my 5 days so far this week. We are celebrating my youngest son's 8th birthday on Saturday with about 25 people. It gets big fast because my sister has 11 kids (9 live at home), so whenever they come it is over 1/2 of the people. We always have such a great time though and I hope my kids (and my neices and nephews) have great memories of all our super get togethers.
I am still having a hard time with motivation this week. Inertia... it's holding me back. (Sung to the tune of the old Ketchup commercial... "Anticipaaation... you're making em wait" Does anyone else remember that or am I just stinking old here).
Hey, have a good one.

Midweek Blahs

Well, I am having some trouble with motivation the last couple of days. I really need a day off, but can't seem to just set everything aside and rest. Besides which, I can't quite figure out how to rest without binging. The 2 are so put together in my mind. I am such an all or nothing person. I wish that I could feel rested after just a half day off. I did get on the treadmill both Monday and Tuesday. I will be getting on again this morning.
I was part of an interesting meeting yesterday at noon. It was a focus group for the North West Minnesota Foundation (I have had my business loan through them for 6-7 years), and they were looking at their leadership training program. I have gone through both the Leadership 1 and Leadership 2 and found them very valuable. They are looking at how to make them better and it was interesting to see the perspective of the other people at the group.
I am working on setting up Home Visits for Childcare providers to look at the Step 2 catalog. April is slow as far as conferences and so forth until about the 21st and then I am running non-stop for the last 10 days. I think my sister Jenn will come with me to the big home school conference in St. Paul. We will have a great time. And I need the help.
The eating has not been as clean as I would have liked over the last 2 days, but I have not been binging which I see as a small victory.

2 lbs gone

Well, I am so glad to report that I lost 2 lbs this week, so I am at 205.5 now. Yeah me. I did have a good week, though with traveling on Friday and Saturday it is much more challenging to keep the food healthy. But I am really focusing on making this FOREVER and making it work with my life instead of beating myself up because I am not eating PERFECT. I did get on the treadmill 5 days this week. Walked/jogged about 40 minutes all 5 days. I really love my treadmill. Kinda, except when I hate it. The presenting and selling went well. I convinced my husband to come with me and bring our 2 boys. My daughter had a birthday party to go to, and we were only gone about 28 hours. It was good and I hope the boys have good memories. I slept so much better with my husband beside me. I often do not sleep well the night before a conference if I am in a strange place. I have a very busy week ahead of me. I love it, though I have some things to pull together to make it work. I will have to get up early to get my exercise in, so that will be my challenge this week. Getting up at 6 am to walk/jog, instead of convincing myself I need more sleep.

WHAT? 2 DAYS IN A ROW?

Hey, it can happen to the best of us. I walked/jogged on the treadmill both Tuesday and Wednesday and felt so good. I need to get on today still. I will try for 2:30 pm so I can be done before the kids get home from school.
Mary Helen is doing much better today.
My oldest son Benjamin who will be 13 in July, and he and I are traveling to St. Cloud on Friday for a Saturday conference. He will help me unload, watch my booth while I present and get a chance to swim in a hotel pool. I am looking forward to having some positive time with him. He is a typical 7th grader and can be pretty moody at times, so I hope we have a good time together.

Dead Horses and Busy Weeks

My 10 year old daughters horse had a baby in the night, but it was too cold and the colt died. Mary Helen received this horse last October from the family of her best friend who died in a horse accident in August. We were told that the horse had not been bred, but within the last 2 weeks we started to be suspicious that we were going to have a foal soon. Sadly in NW MN it is too cold for a baby horse to make it at the end of March. We tried to keep a close eye on the horse and would have brought the baby inside to keep it warm, but I guess we would have needed to stay up all night.

In other news, I did lose 1 1/2 pounds this week to land at 207.5 on Sunday. I am going in the right direction. I had 3 solid days of conferences and presenting last week. It seemed like a tough week, but I made good choices and worked hard on both the diet and business stuff. I stayed with an my husband's cousin's exwife. We actually spent the weekend snowmobiling with them the first time we went out more than 16 years ago, so we go way back. I still sorrow over their divorce.

My daughter traveled with me and we had such a great weekend. She is such a great kid. Easy to get along with and asking some interesting growing up questions. I'm glad we have that positive memory.

Thoughts and Such

Well, I got on the treadmill on Monday and Tuesday despite the fact that one of my feet was bothering me. I really appreciated the exercise. I also have continued to read "Thin for Life" and I am trying to reframe this into a NON-diet diet. I do know on one level that I will have to do this for the rest of my life, but on another level, I just want this to be done. I wonder if I thought more in terms of health if I would find social situations less daunting? Would I realize that holidays are not something to be feared? I don't know, lots of thoughts spinning through my head right now.
Also working on not feeling rejected. Nothing specific (that I can share). But I do at times "feel" rejected even when I know that it might be more in my head. I experience this more when I am heavy, than when I am thinner.
I am going to set up in Bemidji, MN today for a 2 day conference. My family has 2 days off of school because our girls basketball team is going to State on Thursday and Friday. I wish that I could be home with them and get the vacation too. It will be okay though, it will work out.
I am having some general anxiety over the last few days. Not sure why, (maybe not using food to cope???).

Monday Morning

The early part of this week is nice and slow at home, then Wednesday I set up for a 2 day conference (Thursday and Friday) at which I present both days, and then travel directly to a Saturday conference where I present again. I need to be all ready to go so that it doesn't hit me.

I am doing laundry, and trying to put out spring decorations this morning. It is slow going to get all my snowmen put away. I do love them, but it is time for Spring. We still have lots of snow, so the outside will not match the inside for a while. I found 2 "diet" books at a used place for $1.00 each. One is "Thin for Life", and the other is Susan Powter's "Food". I have read a bit of each one and so far I like them both. I did not lose or gain this week, which I can live with because I have only done so so, and a couple days did very poorly. I just got off the treadmill, about 2 1/2 miles in 35 minutes. My foot is bothering me. I pulled a door over it about 6 weeks ago, and I have wondered if one of the little bones got cracked. If it isn't one thing it is another. I watched 1/2 ton man last night on TLC. Arggg... Why is weight loss etc. so hard, so much work, such a mental process. They were talking about how people who overeat have dopamine receptors that are similar to a drug addicts, or in other words, they have less dopamine receptors that are working (for whatever reason), so people that eat too much are looking for that "high" that comes from lots of food, and they have to eat ever larger quantities to get the same feeling. I do at times feel like a food addict. I even feel like I "check out" when I am in the middle of a binge. I don't want to deal with anyone, just let me be with my food so I can ENJOY it. Sad.

I had such a great work week last week. I did so many things. No conferences, but 2 evening workshops (one in Little Falls, MN, one in Grand Rapids, MN), 1 homeschool home party, several home visits and some home deliveries.

If anyone is reading, I would so appreciate an encouraging comment or two.

Where did the time go?

So I did lose 1/2 pound last week. Was at 209 on Sunday morning. But I was so bad for the 3 days of travel. However, I did a workshop in Little Falls, MN and I walked around town for 45 minutes and then yesterday I was in Thief River Falls, MN and walked around town there. I am still struggling to get the food back under control. My blister is healed, but my other ankle which I twisted way back in January is still being tempermental. I have another workshop in Grand Rapids, MN on Thursday night as well as a home party there that afternoon with Home School moms. I am really looking forward to it. I think it will be a lot of happy exuberance on the part of the kids. :) So then I will have Saturday off so I think that will be good. My youngest son started wrestling. He has a meet on Thursday night. He could go to an all day meet on Saturday, but the bus ride is 2 hours each way and then all day and I don't think they are supervised that well. I think it will be too much for him not to get in trouble so we will play it by ear and see how Thursday night goes.

Blah, but still going.

So I am experiencing some blahs. I have an infected blister on the back of my heel that I am baby-ing (is that a word?). I wanted to walk on the treadmill 4 days this week, but only got in about 20 minutes on Monday. I have not had shoes on in at least 3 days. (Remember, I work at home). I am traveling and need to get ready for it, and I can not seem to get myself going. I will be gone Thursday - Saturday night. I will get to stay with my wonderful friend Sherri, so I am so glad about that. I am hoping for a great conference, but don't know what to expect. I have been reading blogs (mostly weight loss blogs) over the last 2 days and they are so wonderfully inspiring.